Like a lot of women, I made the assumption that I would be able to get pregnant when I wanted to, I wasn’t aware of my biological clock ticking or felt any pressure to start a family. Getting pregnant and starting a family was on the ‘to do list’ at some unspecified point in the future; when I was ready.
Unfortunately, this assumption proved to be incorrect and much heartache and soul searching was to follow.
I discovered my Fallopian tubes had suffered damage after many years of suffering from ovarian cysts which had been painfully rupturing over the preceding years; these symptoms had been put down to IBS.
Unfortunately, infertility cannot be seen and the effects are often not apparent.
The news that I would not be able to conceive without IVF brought the issue a family to a head, the ‘wait and see’ approach clearly was no longer an option. When given the news that you cannot have a child, it does focus your thoughts as to whether you do want a child and what you prepared to undertake to get pregnant. Being told I would not conceive without intervention helped me to realize how much I did want to have a child.
As many women do, I did my research and despite the evidence and figures, there is always the hope that your cycle will work first time. Even so, we were still not prepared for how all-consuming the whole IVF process can become for us. Prior to starting IVF, we decided on the number of IVF attempts that we were prepared to undergo and also fund. We only told a small number of people that we were about to undergo IVF; this was to avoid the well intentioned questions that despite being well intentioned, are still hurtful or intrusive.
We approached the first round of IVF optimistically, the consultant having told us “not to make this your Waterloo”. It was stressful working and attending the monitoring scans checking on how my ovaries were responding to the stimulation. Sometimes I wonder whether we would have undertaken IVF if we had known beforehand what the first cycle would be like, honestly, I don’t know. The hospital which carried out the egg collection did not routinely given anesthesia; I was given Pethidine which had very little effect, whilst listening to U2 (not my choice). I felt that I had no control, laid on an uncomfortable table and in pain. My husband had not been allowed in during egg collection and by the end of it, I was glad that he had not seen how much discomfort I was in and how upset I was. After what felt like an age, 26 eggs were collected.
At this point no-one mention over-stimulation but after the procedure, I felt physically drained. The pregnancy test was negative and I was not surprised, I felt awful and wondered how a baby could feel nurtured and an embryo implant when I felt so out of sorts. It took over 6 months for me to physically recover from the first IVF cycle and during those 6 months, I could not think about committing to another cycle; I felt physically and emotionally drained.
I sought the advice of a nutritionist who specialized in fertility and after making a number of changes to my diet, started to feel better in myself and ready to undertake another round of IVF treatment.
The doses of hormones were altered to avoid over stimulation, which we were then told had happened previously. We approached the second round of treatment, feeling better and hopeful. My body responded well to the second round of IVF and fortunately, the egg collection was done under sedation, making the process much easier to deal with. The transfer went well and we waited for the pregnancy results. Having had the disappointment of the first cycle, we quietly optimistic, however, the result was negative.
In some ways, the emotional rollercoaster of IVF was harder to deal with than the physical process; it was, at times emotionally draining and whilst friends and family want to help, thoughtless comments can be very hurtful, no matter how well intentioned.
We started our third cycle shortly after, feeling emotional and teary, the consultant joked that he only treated happy women, at that point emotionally, I felt drained and unsure whether I wanted to go on. Fortunately for us, one of the team gave us the contact number of a hypnotherapist who worked with infertility. We were able to schedule an appointment before the cycle commenced. Hypnosis can help to reduce the anxiety and stress experienced by couples undergoing IVF. During the third cycle, using hypnosis, I felt much calmer, relaxed and physically prepared for the egg retrieval and implantation.
Our third cycle was successful and 9 months later, our little boy was born…using hypnosis.
